Finishing Off Some Familiar Slogans and Jingles

As a member of the jingle generation, I have all kinds of stuff cluttering my mind. Blame it on TV commercials— the most pervasive purveyor of advertising slogans. I have written before about the many still stuck in my aging brain, and there are generations of us still suffering from this crippling mental impairment. Why do I still need to remember that a Big Mac is comprised of “two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun?”

I’m not the only one. There are millions of us who can’t get this stuff out of our heads, and the numbers are growing with successive generations. That’s why ad slogans and jingles are so powerful. Whether it is “You Deserve a Break Today,” “Have it your way” or “Just Do It,” these pithy commercial appeals are taking up brain space that might have accommodated great poetry or the capacity to name the nations of the former U.S.S.R.

If you look more closely at some of these slogans, you can see they often seem incomplete. For example, a Hallmark slogan was, “When you care enough to send the very best…” I would add “…  but not enough to think up your own words.” Another example? There’s the classic from De Beers, which should have gone like this: “A diamond is forever… and so are the payments.”

You get the picture. I can give you a few dozen more examples, thanks to my amazing retention of crass commercialism. It’s not great art, but there’s a certain genius in coming up with jingles and slogans that capture the imagination. Following are some products, their slogans or jingles —some old and others fairly recent— and my suggested completion in the parentheses. It is all done in fun, and I must confess that I actually use some of these products.

Philips— “Let’s Make Things Better (and then we can raise the price even higher).”

Johnny Walker— “Keep Walking (if you didn’t bring a designated driver).”

Reebok— “I Am What I Am (I’m Popeye the Sailor Man).”

Maytag Appliances— “Our repairmen are the loneliest guys in town (because most of them are on Megan’s List).”

Nike— “Just Do It (after you take out a second mortgage for a pair of our running shoes).”

Philip Morris— “Call for Philip Morris (He died of lung cancer but I’ll give you his voice mail).”

Sara Lee — “Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. (She was voted least unpopular.)”

Jell-O— “There’s always room for Jell-O (except when I clean out my refrigerator.)”

Budweiser— “When you say Budweiser, you’ve said it all, (So enough said.)”

McDonald’s—“Did somebody say McDonald’s? (We tried, but we already said it all with Budweiser.)”

Coca-Cola— “I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony (so put the soda down).”

Target— “Expect more. Pay less. (Unless somebody hacks your bank card.)”

Smith Barney— “We make money the old-fashioned way… We earn it. (Or we get absorbed by another merger).”

Nissan— “Life’s a journey. Enjoy the ride. (Just make sure you bring a gas can and jumper cables).”

U.S. Army— “Be all that you can be (as long as you don’t need veterans’ benefits).”

Verizon Wireless— “Can You Hear Me Now? (Yes. Now shut up!)”

Smucker’s— “With a name like Smucker’s, it has to be good. (And with a name like Hoover’s, it has to suck.)” Apologies to Electrolux, which actually used the slogan, “Nothing Sucks Like an Electrolux.”

Pepsi— “For those who think young (because obesity and diabetes will keep them from getting old.)”

Radio Shack— “You’ve got questions. We’ve got answers. (You just won’t understand what we’re saying!)”

Old Spice— “The mark of a man. (It’s that yellow spot in the snow).”

U.S. Marines— “We’re looking for a few good men (not that there’s anything wrong with that).”

UPS— “What can Brown do for you? (Send you to the store for new underwear?)”

U.S. Forest Service— “Only you can prevent forest fires. (Kill an arsonist today.)”

Tylenol— “It’s hospital recommended (and so are those expensive tests your insurance won’t cover).”

New York Times— “All the news that’s fit to print (… plus a whole lot more).”

Michelin— “Because so much is riding on your tires (you should really lose weight).”

Lending Tree— “When banks compete, you win. (When they can’t, you pay for the bailout).”

Exxon (formerly Esso)— “Put a tiger in your tank (but don’t tell the SPCA.).”

FOX News— “Fair and balanced (for all our friends on the far right).”

CNN— “The most trusted name in news (next to Donald Trump, of course.)”

Calvin Klein— “Nothing comes between me and my Calvins (which explains the bad rash).”

Avis— “We try harder (but we’re just not good enough).”

American Dairy Council— “Behold the power of cheese (but you may need the power of a laxative).”

Revlon— “Feel like a woman (unless you want to be one of those few good men).”

Lexus— “The relentless pursuit of perfection (but it’s going to take a very long time).”

Looney Tunes—“Th-th-th-th-tha-tha-that’s all, folks!”

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About Wes

Wes is the sole copywriter/editor at SkillUnlimited and provides copy-editing services for internet marketing, website copy, book editing, and more.

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