skillunlimited.com Blog

February 1, 2010

Role Reversal….

Filed under: Uncategorized — Wes Skillings @ 11:54 am

I can still see my dad sitting on the porch on a bright summer weekend as I pull in the driveway with my  young family.

“Tires look a little smooth!” he shouts disapprovingly. “Shouldn’t be driving around on bald tires.”

“I noticed that the other day,” I lie as I dismount from behind the wheel. “Plan to buy a couple when I get my next pay check.”

Fast forward 30 years and I pull into that same driveway, and see Dad’s car parked out front. I’m looking it over as he peers out his front door.

“Tires look a  little smooth!” I shout. “You and Mom shouldn’t be driving around on them. You could get stuck out in the middle of nowhere with a couple  of flat tires and one bad spare.”

Role reversal, that curious flip-flop between children and parents after the latter are freed to feed in the pastures of post-retirement, is very real. It has made great fodder for comedians over the year as my generation marvels  at how they have become the parents, in many ways, of the people who raised them.

My Dad was one of those Jacks of all trades who were so highly valued in post-WW II society. He had what they called mechanical aptitude—something I, sadly, lacked. He could tune up his own car, repair the TV before they became a maze of circuitry panels, do carpentry and plumbing and figure out just about anything in between. I, as the eldest son, struggled to do any of this stuff, compensating for my aptitude-lessness by working hard. I was a hard worker if you needed somebody to pound the nails, saw the boards and dig a trench out to the overloaded septic tank. If you wanted somebody to remove a rusted muffler and replace it with a new one, let’s say, or put in  a new lighting fixture after upgrading the wiring, I was not the guy. I was, and still am, mechanically retarded.

My father will be 90 next January and though he is still drives (refer to the following post) and gets around okay, he’s got a pacemaker and can’t do the physical things he could do two or three years ago. Even clearing snow from his front walk, unless it is just a dusting, is something he shouldn’t do. He doesn’t even try to do it anymore. The ritual of putting the house’s one air conditioner in at the start of summer and taking it out at its end is no longer in his domain. Ditto with pushing a lawnmower and, even more recently, operating his riding lawnmower.

The weird thing that happened is that my Dad started losing the ability to perform the most basic mechanical tasks. I’m  fixing things  for him now, and if it is too complicated, my next oldest brother, who inherited some of Dad’s aptitude, will do it. As recently as the summer of 2008, I would come up and trim around the house and shrubbery and Dad would do the rest on the riding mower. Last summer, he seemed perplexed on how to operate the mower, so I would do it all. That was fine, because, for years, he had taken care of all my repair problems, as well as plumbing jobs, papering walls and re-flooring the kitchen.

Believe me, it is neither a problem nor a burden for me. I owe him a lot, and he was always there for me. The least I can do is be there for him.

January 28, 2010

Hanging on to the Remnants of Independence

The state trooper was following a Buick whose driver seemed a bit skittish as he proceeded along a winding rural, two-lane roadway wending through the scenic landscape of northeastern Pennsylvania. The car was driving along at inconsistent speeds, occasionally meandering off onto the shoulder of the road. It looked as if it may be a drunken driver, but the driver turned out to be an elderly man. There was a front-seat passenger, the driver’s wife, and there wasn’t the slightest suggestion that alcohol had been imbibed.

The policeman decided a traffic citation for careless driving was warranted, but when he asked for a driver’s license, the plastic sheathed photo card revealed that it had expired on Jan. 9, 2009—more than 11 months before. Citations were issued and the driver ordered to go directly home, park his car and desist from driving.

I had to piece together that part of the story based on incomplete information. The driver was my father, who cannot hear very well, and the passenger was my mother, whose short-term memory has eroded. Both are teetotalers with no use for alcohol, though they might be more accurately described as coffee-totalers. My mother doesn’t remember being stopped at all. She does recall sending the citation back with a check for $101.50, which is the same as pleading guilty. Dad recently turned 89 years of age and it was his first traffic ticket. He was proud of his driving record and being ticketed was a source of embarrassment. I might not have even known about it had it not been for the matter of the expired license.

“I was told never to drive again,” my dad reported sheepishly when I stopped by his house the next day.

He was pretty sure his driving days were over, though somewhat confused about being so excessively penalized for weaving on and off the highway. His impression was his driving privileges had been revoked due to his age.

It didn’t seem to me that someone should lose his license for one violation after so many years of perfect driving with no accidents. I suspected Dad misheard what the trooper told him and mom didn’t remember. I didn’t know about the expired license date at the time, and he apparently hadn’t understood enough of what had been said in the roadside encounter. He had heard clearly, however, that he was to park his car and not drive it.

Mom showed me a copy of the citation for careless driving, which she had immediately forwarded with a check to the Magisterial District Judge.

“I don’t think a policeman can just take your license away, on the spot, for something like that,” I assured them, though I don’t think Dad heard what I said and Mom quickly forgot it. (more…)

January 24, 2010

Looking for My Real Voice

Filed under: Aging, Journalism and Writing, Technology — Wes Skillings @ 9:23 pm

I started this blog more than a year ago, and it hasn’t really been as much of a blog as a repository for some of my columns. I’m a weekly newspaper editor, for those of you who may not know, churning out thousands of words a week for publication to a readership in rural northeastern Pennsylvania. Unlike many bloggers, I don’t have a hunger to get my views and observations into print. because I’ve been doing that for a living for a long time.

Yes, I have been a negligent blogger. I had not published anything on this site for months until I added the post that follows this one, which was my most recent column. I do have a few hundred loyal followers of my commentaries, possibly several thousand if a significant number of our subscribers indulge. I’m pretty sure the readership of this blog is minimal, which makes it pretty silly to use it to republish stuff I have already written. I share them on the chance that new readers might stumble upon them. Since the readers of my columns have no reason to come here, it occurred to me, improvising genius that I am, that I should start writing fresh stuff, possibly a little edgier, on a regular basis with an occasional column here and there.

So I’ll be doing that for a while until I find my real voice.

Technically, this is my first real blog here at skillunlimited.com. My general theme, as a guy recently sauntering into his sixties, will continue to be as an advocate, a voice, for my generation. That doesn’t mean I represent any of them. We’re still great in numbers, but we are overwhelmed by the digital generations, starting with my children, who are now well into their thirties and closely followed by waves of tech-savvy humanity almost young enough to be their children.

I am excruciatingly close to being old enough to having adults as grandchildren. Biologically, that could be easily attained—had I had children in my teens and they, in turn, repeated the feat, As it turns out neither of my kids got married until they were in their thirties. Still no kids for either, which means I’ll have to wait until I’m at least in my eighties before I’ll see a grandchild old enough to vote.

Come to think if it, maybe that’s something I don’t want to see.

Grieving May Come without Grief

Filed under: Aging, Social Issues, Wyalusing Life — Wes Skillings @ 6:40 pm

My mother died last Wednesday morning (Jan. 14) and I wanted to write about her and what she meant to those of us who loved her. The time will come when I can do that. So much has happened in just a few days, I think I’ll wait until the time feels right.

I know that having a parent die is a natural thing. It is supposed to happen to everybody as part of the life cycle, so mourning the loss of my mother does not make me special or unique. The greater tragedy is when the child dies before the parent. Aging, even in the longest and most productive life, is shadowed by the inevitability of death. We should all be prepared to die, because it will happen to each and every one of us. We don’t think much about death when we are young, because it is natural to feel that either you are invincible or that death is so far over the horizon that it barely warrants a glance.

Aging is more frightening than dying. Dying is final and everyone moves on after mourning one’s passing. Mourning itself is selfish, because we are grieving over our own loss. An exception is the passing of one who has died too soon, and then we are mourning what might have been but never got to be. Death at the end of pain and suffering is often a relief, a respite, whether it comes after an extended battle with cancer or through an act of violence or accident.

I was not expecting my mother to die when she did, but I had come to terms with knowing she would never again be the person she was. Most of all, that well-worn expression, quality of life, was clearly out of her grasp. Mom was struggling with a deteriorating memory and mental lapses before she broke her hip shortly after midnight on Christmas morning. The hip was mended, and it was just a matter of rehabilitation and recovery from there. She had broken the other hip just a few years before, followed by essentially the same surgery, and she had breezed through that and was back home in short order. Even so, she became more immobile at home and less willing to go out in public, even to the Sunday services at her beloved church in Camptown.
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September 25, 2009

A Timely Look at Fleeting Time

Filed under: Aging, Current Events, Social Issues — Tags: , , , , — Wes Skillings @ 6:35 pm

Time flies when you’re having fun, so it is said, and it supposedly drags when you are not. Apparently I’ve had a riotous, fun-packed existence, particularly since I hit middle age, because time could not be flying any faster. To make matters worse, I have it on pretty good authority from my parents, both of whom are well into their eighties, that I don’t even know what fast is until I become a senior citizen.

According to AARP I already am—a senior citizen, that is, or so they have been informing me via junk mail for quite some time. I’m still holding on to the traditional retirement age of 65 as the start of being a legitimate elder, and I still have a handful of years until then. Even with all this Baby Boomer rationale of sixty being the new fifty, or new forty or whatever, I know you can’t cheat time. Time is not on your side, despite the accepted cliché, unless you are really looking forward to kicking the proverbial bucket. Time does not heal all wounds. It only promises more wounds as your body continues to break down.

I was at a local 10-K, the Camptown Races, recently and was impressed to see my son, Jeremy, come striding across the finish line in 47 minutes and something. It is a demanding course, hilly with precarious footing at times, and he is not a serious runner. Even he was surprised at his time. So, making conversation, I commented that his time was comparable to mine “the last time I ran Camptown.” In my mind, the memory is fresh and the last time I ran Camptown was not so far back into the past. Then it struck me that not only was that event a long time ago, but I was actually younger than my son, who is now 34, when I did it.
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March 8, 2009

Survival and Death in a Tenement Building

Sometimes you walk into a setting that takes you back in time, decades, even centuries, before you were born, and there is a familiarity that penetrates the soul. Often, it is so ephemeral it slips away before you can grasp it with your consciousness and you dismiss it as déjà vu. Other times it lingers nearby, a presence looking over your shoulder, meaning you no harm but disappearing from view whenever you turn to look.

That’s the feeling I got when I walked into an era inhabited by my great-grandparents and their parents before them in a tenement building on New York City’s Lower East Side. I have no knowledge whether any of my ancestors lived in tenements in what was, in its time, a bustling garment district and the most populous few blocks on Earth. Still, there was something about it that made me feel both familiar and uncomfortable. It was as if distant, distant memories, somehow harking back as if in a dream through lives other than mine, had been roused from a deep sleep. 

The address was, and is, 97 Orchard Street where 7,000 immigrants, many of them just off the proverbial boat from Germany, Ireland and other nations, lived between 1863 and 1935. When you walk up the stoop and into the building itself, past the storefronts just below street level that served clientele for many years after the apartments inside had been vacated, you step back in time. 

That’s because the landlord evicted all the tenants who were living there in 1934, with the exception of one elderly woman named Fanny Rogarshevsky, the building’s senior resident who had raised her family there, transforming the kitchen into a bedroom for their daughters every night. She stayed on as something of the caretaker and janitor for four floors of empty apartments, each comprised of a basic three rooms and providing about 325 square feet for kitchen, bedrooms and living area. Fanny herself left in 1941 for quarters provided by her grown children. She had lived there for more than three decades, the early years as a young mother without electricity and running water. Many of the immigrants used the rooms for primitive versions of sweatshops, cutting, basting, stitching and sewing garment pieces in the so-called bargain district, which by 1910 was producing 70 percent of all women’s clothing in the country and 40 percent of all men’s. Fanny and her husband, Abraham, had come to America from Lithuania as Abram and Zippe Heller, and, as is often the lot of immigrants, their names changed after arriving in America. A family of eight people lived in those three rooms, and Abraham, a garment worker, working long hours in a dark unventilated shop and constantly breathing in fibers and dust, died from tuberculosis in 1918 after being bedridden and cared for by Fanny for many months.

As I walked through the rooms at 97 Orchard Street, now fittingly the property of the Lower East Side Tenement Museum, I thought about Fanny and others like her walking up and down flights of steps to fetch water for the most basic of needs. It was these steps that led to the evictions in 1934, with the landlord abstaining from the expense of getting those historic and steep stairways up to code. There was even a shared privy in the so-called backyard of the building—a composite of three or four outhouses—that was the only restroom facility for the tenants. That, too, required trekking up and down the precipitous steps for the first few decades after the building was constructed in 1863. With more than a dozen families in the building at a given time—some with six, seven and eight members—there was a definite need for a professional with an intriguing name, the midnight soiler. He was the one who cleaned out the human waste accumulating at such communal repositories throughout the Lower East Side.

One of the tragic aspects of the lives of these urban settlers in what is a nation of immigrants was the infant mortality rate. Children of immigrants at that time died at 10 times the rate of the children of the native born. This was dramatized in an apartment restored to look as it would have when a family of Irish immigrants, the Moores, lived there in 1869 and helplessly watched their daughter, Agnes, waste away and die at the age of five months. One of the rooms is even set up as it would have been at the dead child’s wake, a tradition in Irish mourning. For many Irish immigrants who sailed to America, an “American wake” was held for them by family and friends before departing because they knew they would never see them again.

As a resident of rural and small-town America—and dairy country at that—I found all of this to be fascinating. I live in town, but like the folks in the countryside, I walk freely in and out of my house and am surrounded by trees, grass and living things other than people. I tried to imagine life in these stacked rooms crammed with humanity, doubling as living and work space with people literally working themselves to death. Most of all, I dwelled on the ultimate indignity of little Agnes Moore’s death. She died of a form of malnutrition, called marasmus on her death certificate, and a contributor to her death was the milk that was sold on the streets. 

As the chorus of a popular Irish song of the time warned: “Oh, mothers, be careful and cautious/What milk for your children you buy,/Be careful ’tis not the swill poison,/That’s sold in some carts that drive by.”

The “swill milk” sold on the streets was often contaminated and came from cows fed on distillery waste, with virtually no nutrients and then doctored with ammonia and chalk to make it look right and generally palatable. Mothers like poor Mrs. Bridget Moore would empty on to the street to have their pitchers filled with milk ladled from milk cans on carts. The very liquid that was supposed to provide sustenance for infants and children was actually killing them. It was even depicted in a Thomas Nast cartoon in Harper’s Weekly in 1878, with the milk vender portrayed as a grotesque caricature of death.

It is a sad chapter in American history in many ways, almost impossible to imagine today, even in the most trying of economic times. Agnes Moore never had a chance at life and Fanny Rogarshevsky was, in a way, one of the stories of success who came out of the tenements of New York and our other cities. The surviving children of survivors like Fanny went on to become some of our greatest success stories, and it was perhaps the legacy of the tenement, fueled by the sacrifices made there, that drove and inspired them.

IA visit to a tenement might be the very thing to help you appreciate what you have now. There are tours of the building itself at 97 Orchard Avenue, with the museum headquarters across the street to sign up for tours or learn more. The website is at www.tenement.org and you can even get a virtual tour.

February 22, 2009

When Did Classroom Humor Become a Behavioral Issue?

Filed under: Aging, Current Events — Tags: , , , , — Wes Skillings @ 2:28 pm

I may be an old guy now, but I still have some clown in me. It is called a sense of humor, but it is beyond an appreciation of what is funny and entering the realm of performance art. I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh and smile, possibly making a boring or stressful situation more bearable. I think that’s a good thing, in moderation, of course, but I’m seeing more and more negative stereotypes applied to those who make others laugh.

It goes back to childhood in general and the school classroom in particular. The most able purveyors of this talent were generally known as the class clowns when I was in school. There was usually a dominant one in each class, though a number of auxiliary clowns served as props and foils on the class clown’s stage. It was survival of the fittest—may the best clown win—and I believe I emerged as the fittest in my class.

An impish angel can be a classroom resource.

An impish angel can be a classroom resource.

I was rewarded for this talent, at the end of my journey through public education, by being named “Wittiest” of the males in my class. It must have run in the family because two of my younger siblings also achieved this title in their respective senior classes. I wouldn’t have minded being labeled “Class Clown” as other schools often did in their yearbooks, because I believe it is an honorable, all-American sobriquet. And though funny faces and amusing noises were part of my repertoire, my humor was generally spontaneous and reactive to what was happening around me, and that required a certain finesse. (more…)

February 14, 2009

Riding the Rough Road to Responsibility

Filed under: Aging, Current Events — Tags: , , , , — Wes Skillings @ 3:30 pm

The idea of taking responsibility for your actions has become newsworthy of late. That’s good, because we’ve become so accustomed to constant denial of misdeeds right up to the resignation, the conviction or the guilty plea. It has reached the point when we don’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt when they profess innocence anymore. We’ve been let down too many times, I suppose, and we forget that being accused of something doesn’t always mean you did it.

Nevertheless, it has been a refreshing change of pace to witness the likes of our own president saying he “screwed up” with one of his choices for a cabinet position and, as recently as this week, one of our baseball heroes, Alex Rodriguez, a.k.a. A-Rod, admitting to ingesting a banned substance seven or eight years ago. Maybe the “young and foolish” excuse has become well worn, but it was an admission. The same news media that pleaded for him to come clean is now saying that owning up was a smart public relations move that spared him a lot of negative publicity in dribbles and drabbles over the next year or so. In a way, you can’t win, but if you have the choice, coming clean and being honest with yourself is always the best way. 

Taking responsibility does not just apply to celebrities, politicos and sports stars. It is something from which all of us could benefit. There is always a temptation to lie or rationalize when you do something that makes you look bad. That’s bad as in stupid, silly and, yes, dishonest. 

I remember years ago, when I was a parent of two young children and found myself in a credit hole, which threatened to become an abyss from which there seemed no escape. There were reasons for it that were not entirely my fault, such as moving from one part of the state to another and not being able to sell a home in one location for an interminable period while paying to live somewhere else. If there was blame to be assessed over this predicament, it was mine. I made the decision to move at a time when the housing market was the worst it has ever been—until now, that is. Then came a bank loan, just to help pay the mounting bills, and using credit cards for the worst of reasons—to pay off other creditors. (more…)

February 1, 2009

Negligent Blogger Checks in Before Big Game

Filed under: Aging, Pop Culture, Sports — Tags: , , , — Wes Skillings @ 7:13 pm

I’ve been a bit inattentive to my blogging of late because of other demands in my writing life. My job is about writing, with a fair share of editing, rewriting and researching mixed in, but the past couple of weeks have been particularly demanding, requiring 55 and 60-hour work weeks. What down time I’ve had has been devoted to catching up and getting reenergized. The blog has suffered because of it, but I’m back on track this week and hope to be more productive on the blogging front.

But this is Super Bowl Sunday and I, like most Americans, have my social obligations. In a couple of hours I’ll be heading off a Super Bowl party—a practice I have been observing for a number of years now. I like football, especially the post-season. If there was some way to extend postseason football, I would be all for it. I enjoy the NFL season, too, but some weekends I don’t pay much attention, because there aren’t any matchups that seem particularly compelling. There are few games, to be honest, that I would deem important enough to put the rest of my life on hold during the regular season.

The games in thepostseason become more important. You lose, it’s over. (more…)

January 24, 2009

Aging: Something You Can’t Live Without

Filed under: Aging, Current Events, Pop Culture — Tags: , , — Wes Skillings @ 11:23 pm

Aging is something we all have in common, but so many of us are in a state of denial about it. 

Have you aged like fine wine or are you as old as dirt? Let’s proceed on the supposition that aging doesn’t make bad wine better, though they say some mellows with age. If wine ages too long, particularly in an unfavorable environment, it will probably end up tasting like vinegar. Vinegar tends to keep things from spoiling, and there is something to be said for that, too, as you grow old. 

There isn’t much on this earth that gets better with age. Cheese is one of the exceptions, but even cheese turns to stone if the air gets to it. People also have the potential of improving with age, benefiting from their life experiences and lessons learned. You never stop learning, it is said, but there is more to it than that. You have to have a foundation upon which to build your edifice of knowledge. From there, you think it would be a cumulative process, the body of knowledge becoming more imposing with age.

If it weren’t for the natural deterioration of the mind and body, all of us should become geniuses by the time we hit 60, 70 or 80, depending on our respective learning curve. Even a slow learner would benefit from years of accumulating knowledge and would eventually qualify as something of a brain, able to tap into a vast reservoir of information. (more…)

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